On postpartum.

By megret | November 5, 2009 at 9:15 pm | One comment | The Real Me Challenge

When they say your wedding day will be a blur, they weren’t kidding. Yet what I didn’t hear as much about is how the birth of your first child (and the two to three subsequent days thereafter) would be just as much of a blur.

While still in the hospital, I experienced an euphoric feeling that can only be explained by 1) the lingering effects of the anesthesia and other meds, 2) the surrealism of being a patient in a hospital for the first time in a long, long time, and 3) the complete and utter consumption with a new little person who measures just 19-1/2″ long.

I had prepared in many ways for the birth and the coming home for the first time. The carseat had been securely fastened into the Jeep for over a month. I had meals prepared ahead and frozen. I had sent home from the hospital one of G’s swaddling blankets for our two cats to smell and become familiar with (since they were, in essence, the “older siblings,” so to speak).

The coming home was glorious. It was a bright, sunny day, three days after G’s arrival, and the weather was just beginning to show the slight crisp snap of autumn. I don’t think I turned around and looked at the road one time as Ken drove us home….I craned my neck and watched G’s tiny feet, all I could see of him in his teeny tiny carseat/carrier contraption.

Recovering from a c-section, physically, was a bit more painful than I’d expected. I was glad we only had one stair in our whole house, a step-down into our bedroom. I gladly let family help with laundry loads and lifting. I enjoyed the five or six consecutive suppers cooked and brought to our doorstep by loving friends and family.

Breastfeeding was going exceedingly well, which pleased me so much. I didn’t dislike getting up for 2am and 5am feedings. In fact, I relished it. I got to snuggle with my little son AND watch all of the fantastic re-runs of 80s sitcoms that are never, ever on television during the daytime.

Yet little by little, the sleep deprivation that all parents do face did catch up with me. By the time G was 5 weeks old, most of the photos taken of me show dark circles under my tired eyes. Being sleepy tends to put a hazy fog over you, and I feel that fog clouded many of the sweet memories of day to day life with Little G that I might have held onto otherwise.

Days and nights became somewhat hard to distinguish between. Drained, I began to feel as if time was painfully slow at moving forward, yet at the same time, felt a sense of panic that it was all flying by too quickly. Quite the unexpected paradox.

Stay tuned for Part II…