Today, May 20th, my husband Ken and I celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary. It was truly like marrying my best friend — we’d been friends for a long time and dated for over 3 years before we were standing together at the altar.
Our first year of marriage was a breeze. He had the “perfect” job. I got to experience both solely being a housewife and working outside the home. We adopted a cat. We took trips. Literally, we began to gloat about how well we got along, how smooth-running our first 12 months had been.
Then the second year hit.
The stress of buying our first home, health problems, and a unavoidable (and unwanted) job transfer led to shaky times. It tested our marriage’s strength. Moving away from family and friends forced us to cling onto each other. Our stressed sides came out — our not-so-pretty sides — and we began to see what the “worse” meant in the phrase “for better or for worse.”
We’ve come through a lot more since that year. We’ve lost relatives. We’ve felt trapped in jobs we hated. We had disappointments. We’ve had financial hardships. Yet we’ve also had many extraordinary things happen to us, as well: We’ve been blessed with two children, another cat, the near payoff of all our debt (hallelujah!), a job that was a calling, new friends, the return of old friends, fun & memory-filled vacations away, and much more! With every step, we’ve grown closer as a couple. Today, we both agree that we’re truly more in love with each other than we were that sunny day back in 2000. How?
- We have learned how to communicate. We’ve learned not to raise our voices — EVER. We take time to eliminate distractions and save serious discussions for when the kids are in bed or not at home. We listen to each other…really listen. We are honest…brutally so. We never close up.
- We are doing better about prioritizing date nights. Something we’ve let go of more recently are weekend trips away alone. That will commence this year; we’ve set a goal to do this once a quarter.
- We maintain the health of our friendships. Yes, we are each other’s best friends, but there are things that I can only explain to (and be understood by) my girl friends….and vice versa.
- We take care of our bodies…for ourselves, and for each other.
- We respect each other. This is a big need for men in general…and I’m pretty sure most stay-at-home moms rank the need for respect and admiration as pretty near the top on our lists, too, since mommyhood is often a “thankless” profession in the younger years.
These are just some of the ways we make our marriage work. No, thrive. Anyone can make a marriage work. It takes time, effort, and diligence to make a marriage thrive.
In honor of our 9th wedding anniversary, I am giving away a boxed set of Shaunti Feldhahn’s books, For Couples Only: Eyeopening Insights About How the Opposite Sex Thinks. Shaunti spoke at our church a while back and has some amazing wisdom and discernment. There’s a book for men and a book for women in this set.
Just tell me in a comment below something you do that helps to make your marriage thrive. I’ll pick a winner on Monday, May 25th. Good luck and thanks for dropping by! Go check other WFMW solutions at We Are THAT Family!
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Jen (2 years ago)
Great post! Happy Anniversary!
I’ve been married for almost 11 years – we went on a week long getaway for the first time since having our 3 kids (we waited 5 years before having our first) in celebration of our 10 year anniversary. Anyway – that was “just what the doctor called for” as my Husband just described it.
Date nights; mini getaways; longer getaways – I recommend them all!
Thanks so much!
tina in thailand (2 years ago)
Lots of kisses and hugs!
Every day!
We too make sure for our anniversary we take at least a night away together.
Can I say this ‘outloud’? Sleep au naturale.:)
I would love to win these books. Please don’t be put off by my overseas location. I have a friend in the states who can get mail for me and send it on!
thanks for offering these books, I am sure the winner will be blessed by them.
Rona (2 years ago)
Congratulations on your wedding anniversary. I truly enjoyed reading your post. It’s what marriage is all about…the good, bad and ugly. It’s life and it’s commitment. You do grow up with each other, maybe even change roles.
Thanks for the positive marriage story.
Jami @ Sweet & Simple Mama (2 years ago)
Congratulations on your anniversary! I’ve been married 11 years and have 3 children. Something I do to help my marriage thrive is showing my husband respect as the head of our household. Proverbs 21:19 says “Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.” I try to make my home a haven. My husband is truly my best friend and we have so much fun together. Early in my marriage I often ruined that with nagging and expecting my husband to make me happy rather than finding my joy in Christ. Many blessings!
angie (2 years ago)
Congratulations on your anniversiry. We have been married 22 years with 6 children. Our secret is to talk through it all not to hush up or keep our feelings to ourselves. Through good times, sad times and every day do not go to bed mad, pray about it talk about it and work through it. It is never good to get others involved throgh he say she say but to go straight to the source and let our love sort it out
Erin @ Closing Time (2 years ago)
Happy Anniversary!! We will celebrate our ninth anniversary this summer. I too, married my best friend. We are very blessed!
Cindy Hall (2 years ago)
I pray for my husband, for me, for our family. A LOT.
Vanessa (2 years ago)
Happy anniversary Meg! What do we do? … try to get away on date nights and have some time for just the two of us.
mub (2 years ago)
Happy Anniversary!
I enjoyed reading this post, especially the part about not closing yourselves off. I really need to work on that.
Stephanie (2 years ago)
Happy 9th Anniversary! My wedding dress looked a lot like yours (I got married 7 years ago). I love off-the-shoulder styles.
And your hair is beautiful! You remind me a little bit of Anne of Green Gables.