I am loving motherhood.
I mean, I really, really am. I know this is right where God wants me and where he intended me to be at this exact point in my life.
I love making things with the kids, I cherish times of teaching, I dream about things we’ll do as a family in the years to come.
I am glad to have a portal by which I can share a glimpse of our home and our life, our learning and our adventures. Yet it is just that: A glimpse. I don’t go into great lengths to record every moment (it would bore you, I bet) and I leave a lot of stuff out (things that aren’t quite as, um, noteworthy or praiseworthy). I don’t harp on and on on the blog, using it as a venting target when the kids are sick, whiny, having trouble with bad attitudes, or when I mess up or feel inadequate at what I do (which I do feel often).
I want you all to know that I’m a regular old gal, a mom who struggles daily to make the right choices for herself, her kids, and her husband. I have to remind myself very often that my main identity is in Christ, not in what others say (or hint) that I must be.
I am forgetful. I have been known (really) to put the milk in the cabinets and the peanut butter in the refrigerator. (And not when I could use pregnancy as a viable excuse, I might add.) I completely forgot to schedule (and take her to) R’s 15-month checkup. I let a good friend’s birthday pass without a word. Even with two planners and three four calendars surrounding me at all times.
I am a perfectionist. I wish I wasn’t. I get hyper-anxious about things left undone or things that haven’t even happened yet (but might). I get irritable when I don’t feel productive. I can’t be creative with clutter around me. Sometimes, I am SO overwhelmed with clutter, I go into a stupor and have no drive to do anything. At all. I just stand there, lip quivering, hands wringing….completely worthless. (This was especially bad when I was in college and a jam-packed semester was wrapping up. Not fun at all.)
I have had to call Poison Control three times in four years. Once when I was nursing R and G decided to sneak downstairs and eat cat throw up. (I know. It still makes me shudder. I’m glad they’re happily outside cats now.) Once when I got out of the shower (just a quick one!) to find that R decided hair clipper lubricant oil would be a tasty snack. And once when I ingested a second once-daily-extra-energy vitamin myself within an hour of swallowing the first.
I have resorted to letting the kids watch cartoons so I can clean the toilets or make dinner. I have used the phrase, “Because Mommy said so” on more than one occasion (yesterday, in fact). I have hidden away and cried heaving sobs and thought, “I can’t do this. I can’t do this” when a fiery toddler tested my limits.
I let the kids eat artificial colors. We have candy in our cabinets at all times. (That’s a habit I just couldn’t break myself.) I have told them how to do an art project instead of letting them free-for-all their own designs. I have woken up my husband to check on middle-of-the-night cries when I am too “paralyzed” to get out of bed.
I love to teach our children at home, but I admit, I have dry spells when I have no ambition to try new activities or come up with a new learning theme. Some weeks it is all I can do to keep the house in order. And you know what? The kids are still happy. They’re still learning. They even love to chip in and help occasionally. It reminds me that teaching them life skills is just as important as teaching them phonetic sounds.
I am just like any mother — human. I strive to be the best mom I can be, but some days, I feel I just don’t measure up. I mess up. I ask for forgiveness (often from my own family). I wake up some days feeling like I have a clean slate and a fun day ahead….but on rare mornings, honestly, I wish I could just stay under the covers.
Thankfully God loves me unconditionally. He loves me just because I’m HIS child. I never really understood that until He gave us children of our own. He knows I’m human. Why? Cause He made me that way. He doesn’t judge me like I so ruthlessly judge myself. And I’m so, so thankful for that today.
Psalm 103:14: “For He knows how weak we are; He remembers we are only dust.”
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Jeanna (3 years ago)
Wow – you could have written this for me! (Except for the cat throw up – hee hee). Sometimes I think that we make things so much harder on ourselves as women when we try so hard to look “perfect” to everyone else. Not only are we pressuring ourselves, but those around us to live up to unrealistic standards! I love those moments when I feel like I can connect with another mom because I don’t feel pressured…thank you so much for your wonderful insight today….
Kimberly (3 years ago)
What a beautiful post on what I think every mom wishes those around her would know! We try our best, but mess up, wimp out, or plain give-in just like everyone around us, but sometimes feel like we must present ourselves otherwise (or others think it on their own).
I have to remind myself daily that God loves me in spite of myself, not because of what I do.
I love this post and your site! Keep it up!
Amber (3 years ago)
Great timing for me to read this on a week that I am already behind (how can we be behind on a schedule we make up for ourselves!?!) on house work and feeling guilty about skipping out on story time at the library this week. Thanks for the reminders and your vulnerability!
Seemingly shiny. (repost) (3 years ago)
[...] you get a chance take a moment to enjoy a glimpse into why I love this woman. Meg’s post from yesterday is extremely well composed and probably one of the best things [...]
Rachel (3 years ago)
What a great post – it spoke to me on more than one occasion!!
Sheila at Dodging Raindrops (3 years ago)
Wow. Thank you for much for that honesty. So any times when I’m reading blogs I think – I’m so NOT together compared to this mom who seems to do it all and beautifully with amazing photographic skills. I say “because I said so” to the boys way more than I expected I would!
Gail (3 years ago)
Wow! I just found your post and have to admit I laughed and cried at the same time while I was reading it!! I can definitely relate to what you have written. Makes me feel better that I am not the only one out there!!
Amber (3 years ago)
Thanks Megret :)
I’ve been out of the blog loop for a few weeks and this is the first post of yours that I caught & it is magical and beautiful and I see so much in it.
Have a happy day, mama-sister.
A
Amber (3 years ago)
p.s. Love your new look!
kelly (3 years ago)
thank you for this post! I needed this today. thank you for sharing.
Vanessa (3 years ago)
Great post. Thanks for your honesty in sharing.